ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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