I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
