I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize