I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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