I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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