hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
