The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
