Just fell off a train. Bad.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize