I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
