Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
