Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
