dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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