i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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