4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish I could teleport
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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