sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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