just survived the first fart of the relationship.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
