On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
