a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize