i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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