I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
