You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
