I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm too high and old for this...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
