The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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