Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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