tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
