What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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