Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
