i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
