I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
