i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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