This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
