and i looked up. we had an audience...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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