Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
