I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
