btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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