She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
