The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
