Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My dick has a subreddit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
