hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
