I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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