She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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