Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
