i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
