i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
