Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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