Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
