Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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