...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize