he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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