We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
