All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
