god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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