the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
