Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
