this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
