nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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