I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
