Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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