Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
