Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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