dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize