the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
