Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
