I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize