if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I want her autograph on my taint
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
