11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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