How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
