How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize