found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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