I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
