Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
