Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
