Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize