I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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