His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How external is "for external use only"?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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