I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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