I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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