"it" just moved
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize