No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
