Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
