So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
