i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
