once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
