It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
