it's too hot outside to masturbate.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
