it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
