your parents love me but you hate me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
