I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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