I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
