More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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