u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
