I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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