i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
