I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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