Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
