Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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