i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
