please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
