i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
