a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
