Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
