i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
