Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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