Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
