well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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