Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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