Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
